My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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