Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
