BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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