i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
