She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
