she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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