There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
