Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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