i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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