Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
