i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
