am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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