is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Found your dick twin last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
