so that wasnt chicken after all
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
