The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
