your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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