best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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