She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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