found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
