it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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