I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
