my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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