you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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