Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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