when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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