The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
