There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
