Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
