Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just google imaged poop.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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