Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
