Can Purell be used as lube?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
