how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
