I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
