I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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