guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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