mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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