is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
