she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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