I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
