her vagine was all disorganized.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
