hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
