I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
