I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
