He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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