just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
