this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
