Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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