chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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