I love black thongs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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