drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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